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Mahatma Gandhi always walked barefoot and ultimately the soles of his feet became thick and very hard. He also was, of course, known to be a man of deep spiritual conviction. He undertook hunger strikes as a political protest and at times was both thin and frail. Furthermore, due to his weird diet, he suffered from bad breath. VERY bad breath.

In fact, in time he came to be known as "a super-callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis."

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A musician lived in a house virtually surrounded by a small lake. One day, after hearing a particularly beautiful piece of music, he bought several cans of spray pain and proceeded to weave intricate, but colorful patterns of paint on the surface of the water. When asked why, he replied that he was especially fond of moats art.

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While walking through a cemetery in Vienna a tourist heard music coming from a gravesite. The headstone read, "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770?1827." The man listened for a few moments before recognizing the music as the Ninth Symphony, being played backwards. Puzzled, the man left the graveyard and persuaded a friend to return with him. By the time they arrived at the grave the music had changed. This time it was the Seventh Symphony but, like the previous piece, it was being played backwards. Curious, the men agreed to consult a music scholar. When the two men returned to the grave with the expert, the Fifth Symphony was playing. Again, it was backwards. Naturally, word got around about the strange happenings at Beethoven's grave and the next day a large crowd had gathered and was listening to the Second Symphony, being played backwards. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambled up to the grave. Someone in the crowd asked him if he had an explanation for the music.

"Don't you get it," the caretaker asked incredulously, "he's decomposing."

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After much careful research it has been discovered that the artist Vincent Van Gogh had many relatives. Among them were:

His obnoxious brother - Please Gogh

The brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store - Stopn Gogh

The grand father from Yugoslavia - U Gogh

The brother who bleached his clothes white - Hue Gogh

His dizzy aunt - Verti Gogh

The cousin from Illinois - Chica Gogh

His magician uncle - Wherediddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin - Amee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half brother - Grin Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach - Wellsfar Gogh

The constipated uncle - Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt - Tan Gogh

The dancer uncle - Flamin Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst - E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin - Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking - Wayto Gogh

The little nephew - Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco - Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in a van - Winniebay Gogh

His French aunt with a chronic backache - Lumbé Gogh

His Auto salesman cousin - Car Gogh

His melancholy Hoosier cousin - Indy Gogh

His nephew from a chain of islands near Little Rock - Arky Pella Gogh

His cowboy ancestor - Duran Gogh

His cowboy ancestor's great grandson's rock & roll group - Duran Duran Gogh

His blistered young cousin by marriage - Empeti Gogh

His lonely lovelorn sister Theycomeandthey Gogh

His cousin, the French chef, Escar Gogh

His favorite poet, the self centered, E. E. Gogh

Favorite breakfast treat: an eggogh

He preferred brushes that were ergogh-nomically correct

Person he hired to do chores: a goghpher

What happened when the above person stole his truck? they watched Vincent's van gogh pher down the road.

Recently, a Parisian burglar nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime and getting in and out past heavy security, he was captured only two blocks away, when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring crime, and then make such an obvious error, he replied,

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

Lessons The Novel

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